| The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|12:20 pm] |
The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army
SGT Shawn Stanford
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
( Read more... ) |
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| YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when... |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|11:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends you know you want to! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|01:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows (Shrek2) | ] |
FROM /TO FLIGHT CL DATE DEP FARE BASIS NVB NVA BAG ST
REYKJAVIK KEF FI 0631 H 03JUN 1645 HSMELL 03JUN 03JUN PC OK
BOSTON LOGAN IN ARRIVAL TIME: 1820
TERMINAL:E
Stay in Boston one night.
From Boston to New York on Saturday morning. (bus)
From New York to Providence, RI on Wednesday morning. (bus)
From Providence to Boston on Wednesday afternoon. (bus)
Rent a car in Boston.
Drive to Fairlee, Vermont / Orford, New Hampshire.
Drive to Boston on Monday.
BOSTON LOGAN IN FI 0630 K 13JUN 2130 KOSMELL 13JUN 13JUN PC OK
TERMINAL:E
REYKJAVIK KEF ARRIVAL TIME: 0630 |
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| Australian humor |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|08:52 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
Australian Tourism
These were on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattle snake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. |
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| I got it all right!! |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|09:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will
tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down
for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't
scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the
giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in
an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant,
and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the
giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions
of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the
Animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
You just put him in there.
This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions
correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by
crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.
Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal
Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting worldwide, around 90% of the professionals
they
tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several
correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves
the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|03:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Christmas songs on the radio | ] |
I'm starting to freak out about my tests. First one's December 11th, then 14th, 16th and the last on the 18th. I've got so much to read, and I've been so busy all semester doing essays and stuff, I haven't been able (or just plain too lazy) to read for each class. So now I've got 5 books to read, only having read a couple of chapters in two of them... so... good luck me!
My sister and I are going over to our grandmother's later today. We haven't been there for weeks, cause she moved and is now in the opposite end of Reykjavík. It takes close to an hour to go to her place with busses.
I like your pictures Luke. When the Christmas lights go up you should go to the watertank and take a picture in the dark. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|09:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
You are a scoop of coffee with a crayon it in.
You're naturally perky, and you tend to get
distracted. You're entertained by simple
things. You can't focus. You're rather
carefree. You're annoying to some, and loved
to death by others. You're a socialite. What
can we say?
The Whats In Your Kitchen Personality Test
brought to you by Quizilla
hmm. I do tend to get distracted, am easily entertained, can't focus on schoolwork, and am rather careless. Don't like coffee though... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|12:11 pm] |
Don't know why I ever thought I could have an online journal. Anyways... lot a work to do at school, but it's all very interesting. Aside from the map course. I just don't give a rats ass about map projections!!
My sister's birthday is on Friday. I'm not sure what I should give her, 50 Euros for her trip to Germany next month, or the Friends game/questionnaire? Perhaps Euros for her birthday and Friends for Christmas... Or maybe I'll just buy the Friends game for me! Maybe she'll buy it for me...
I saw Shark Tale the other day. I was disappointed. Suppose I just got my expectations up way high, but it was OK, and nothing more than that. Very predictable.
Why do stores start decorating for Christmas this early? It's ridiculous. They shouldn't start earlier than the last week of November, preferably beginning of December. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2004|10:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The dish washer. | ] |
I just got off the phone with my sister. I'm going to Reykjavík tomorrow, my first day of college is Friday. I'M SO EXCITED!! I'm bored to death of working, and I can't wait to meet my friends. I'm not really very social... I'm OK being on my own, and I definitely need some alone time, but it'll be good to meet Violette and other friends. And living with my sister in a one bedroom apartment will definitely be an experience. :o)
Another good news (I'm a horrible person btw) is that my grandmother did not get the apartment she had made an offer on (to buy). That's good, because then she'll live in her brother's apartment in Reykjavík (they live in Denmark) and my sister and I will 'keep' her furniture for her and use them, and safe money. For now at least.
Hmm... Luke's here. That's pretty cool. It's weird, cause he's so excited to be in Iceland and he's so intent on learning Icelandic, it's amazing. He already knows several words and he picks them up real quick. It's strange that he's so entranced by the surroundings, he constantly says they're so beautiful, and I suppose they are, I just don't notice it anymore. It's also weird to have him say it outloud cause I don't always find the need to tell others that I find things beautiful or sth like that, but I think it's a good thing for him. People sometimes interpret my shyness as me being a snob. I don't like that :o(
A good thing happened. Pabbi wasn't really that excited to get an exchange student, but today he took me and Luke to see the school Luke'll be going to (pabbi's working in it) and he told everybody it was his new son, so that means he likes him. It was really funny, cause each and every one of the men were like "well, that didn't take you very long, did it?!"
JEI!! I got today and tomorrow off from work! My summer vacation :o) I feel like I've done nothing all day, and it's a great feeling! I should do it more often...!!
I got a creditcard. It's not a real creditcard, because it's paid in advance and I can only use what I have on it, but it has all the other traits of a creditcard. For example, a discount in movie theatres! ;o) And I can buy stuff online. I've been waiting for ages to be able to buy books online, cause they're much cheaper there than in Iceland. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2004|02:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Stuðmenn | ] |
My mom's birthday was yesterday. I had egg and bacon for lunch and cakes for dinner. Pretty nice.
Then I spent the entire evening playing games with my 6 year old cousin, who got all hyper because of all the sugar while her parents and others drank coffee and wine in the living room.
Oh, but Wednesday night was awesome!! Iceland beat Italy 2:0 in an international soccer game here in Iceland! Complete surprise! We were hoping to lose only by one or two goals, but YEAH! Very cool. It even made berry-picking bearable. Specially since I didn't have to go until the game was finished and only spent like 20 minutes berry-picking.
I'm going to Reykjavík tomorrow. My sister and I will maybe be volunteering for the Redcross tomorrow. Our mom's very active in the Redcross and they need volunteers to work with handicapped children, so we might spend the morning and some of the afternoon there, and then go to Reykjavík. If not, we'll just go to Reykjavík anyways.
Very pleased about that. Even more so because my brother can't go. And I'm not just being mean. A couple of weeks ago I decided to be really nice so I bought him some alcohol. And what did he do? He and his friends went and wrecked a few cars, as well as the spare ambulance, and he and mom have been going to the police for interrogations a few times since. And what did my parents do to punish him? They took away his car for 3 days. THREE DAYS! Spoiled brat.
And a week after this incident, he asked me to buy him alcohol. I DON'T THINK SO! And it gave me great pleasure to deny him of that 10 minutes before the store closed down :oÞ |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|02:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | ads in a government run radiostation | ] |
I'm at work... I'm bored. I've been playing BubbleShooter for an hour. It was fun for a while, but now I'm bored of that too. I want to go to Reykjavík this weekend. I won't be at the arrival orientation but I want to go to Menningarnótt í Reykjavík. I've never been.
It's my mom's birthday tomorrow. I was going to go to a store in a town close by yesterday but my brother was being a prick (as usual *cough cough*) and I only had two minutes before the store closed down, so I have to go again today. It's getting hard to make excuses though. Specially since my mom wants me to go berrypicking with her today. ;o)
I met my friend yesterday, Guðmundur Hreinn. He apparently made an attempt to shorten his index finger, but the doctors sewed it back on.
Not much else has happened. I'm still summoning up courage to clean my room. A frightening task. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2004|08:11 pm] |
It's too hot here. I'm thinking about moving to Greenland.
When I want good weather, I go abroad. Not outside.
You left too soon Jackie... and the exchange students come too late. Weather's supposed to get back to normal by Friday.
I can't wait till school starts. I'm tired of work. Too monotonous. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 14th, 2004|05:36 pm] |
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How on earth do I find out if any of my friends have online journals? |
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